Don't Play Me For A Fool

I think there are people in this world who honestly think they can get away with anything. Then there are people like me who let them. Who is worse? For a while now I have blamed this on me. I made a mistake, I hesitated and this is my fault. However, their actions are not justified in the least. You may or may not know. That's okay. I'm going to write about it anyways. I try to keep most of my feelings in so that I will not be blamed for any negativity but honestly it doesn't seem to matter either way what I say or do. I, still, will always be the bad guy. A couple of things I think you or anyone else should know about me.

#1) I will never believe a word that comes out of your mouth until I have come to trust you. That takes a lot of time. It might mean it's a lot of work but if I'm worth it, it won't be. Don't blame this weakness on me. Blame it on someone who, in my past, took advantage of me and made me believe everything in his life from where he went to school to his career. Finding out that everything was a complete lie and knowing I almost married into it will be something that I will have a hard time getting over. I was 18 and relied so much on him which I will never again do.

2) Do not tell me I shouldn't generalize how I feel about a guy based on another guys or (many other guys') actions. If any reasons or feelings I have shouldn't be generalized, prove it.

3) Do not talk down to me as if I'm a child. Again, I have already been there and in no way will attempt to go back. I've already been in a verbal abusive relationship. Again, with this jerk who lied. I've been locked out and yelled at. I have been manipulated and told not to cry. I have been called terrible names for no reason. If I ask you a question, do not talk to me as if I'm stupid. Have respect.

4) Know what you want before you tell me what you want. People will always be confused. Understandable, I've been there. However, if you tell me one thing and then later write about it as if everything I believed isn't true, re-think your respect for others. If you have an ex that you suppositely are over, don't write about how much she took away from you but that you still love her. That just proves you haven't found anyone better and you're re-thinking your decisions.

5) Do not contact me after I have given you up. I gave you up for a reason and I haven't contacted you for a reason. Enough said.

6) Don't butter me up. If you have to butter me up for a couple of days, obviously, it's for a reason. Even if I cave and talk to you, doesn't mean I have forgotten. I remember and eventually will drop you like I did the first time when you screwed me over if it happens again.

7) A CD is never worth going through hell for. Keep it. Throw it out. Don't care.

8) If I say something, I mean it. Everything I have ever said or continued to say is true. But if I have made decisions that go against how I feel it's only because it's in my best interest. Not that I didn't mean anything that I said.

9) I love with my whole heart. Love isn't ever half way. I am glad I can feel that way about another person. If you don't want that, that's ok. I'll find someone else to give it to. Remember that.

10) Nothing I say in this blog is intended to hurt anyone. I know this because I know it won't. Only people who are suprised or care will find meaning in it. If you don't, it answers my questions.

I know this may seem harsh. This does not mean I don't forgive. I do. I make my mistakes and understand no one is perfect. But I give people I care most about the benefit of the doubt if I have been hurt in one way or another. It's a good thing and a bad thing. The way I see things, if something you wanted or felt strongly about is right in front of you and you don't take it, either 1)it's not right so leave it be or 2)you are too prideful to think it could be a great thing for you. Either way, I could care less.