An Author once said..
“I haven't a clue as to how my story will end. But that's all right. When you set out on a journey and night covers the road, you don't conclude the road has vanished. How else could we discover the stars?”
I'm convinced that there is a dedicated road that everyone travels during heartbreak. I think about how many times the night has covered the road in my life and how I've survived it. I, like everyone else, started at the beginning of the road waiting to see some sort of light that could bring comfort and take part of the loneliness away.
Then there is the road that is full of light, kindness, laughter, cheerfulness and love. The one everyone wants to be on. The road that seems like the best thing in the world when life is comfortable and great.
Within the last little while I have been thinking a lot more about my worthiness. Recently I have finally been given an answer to something I have been struggling with for a while. I have been on my knees so many times about this that I have actually fallen sleep in a prayer position on the side of my bed. I have begged Heavenly Father to make something happen for me that I so badly wanted. Many times, I had those opportunities that I asked for. However, after each one I felt worse and worse about the situation. Why did I constantly pray for it each night if I still felt that this is what I wanted? Acceptance? Being justified? Selfishness? He placed opportunities in my path to satisfy me but I would overlook the damage it would do to me. I thought I wanted this person. I refuse to see how much of myself I was losing in this mess to gain someone else. I was being tugged back and forth until one day I found out what the real answer was. It wasn't him. And surprisingly, I was ok. There have been so many things Heavenly Father brought to my attention during these things I asked for but I refuse to see them in hopes that they just simply weren't there. And one day, I did.
I've thought about everyone who has given me advice. I've looked back on every person who has told me to not forget about myself. My friends, family, church leaders. Maybe my road is dark at times but there are stars that shed light in helping me find where I should go. And those people are my stars.
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5 comments:
Love trouble huh? No good, chica. Together you and I should go on the hunt for Alfred Tennyson’s ghost, I'll hold him down while you kick him for both of us.
All the girls here have guns so I’m on a romance sabbatical myself haha. And as for your “road” philosophy, well the truck magazine sitting in my office loudly proclaims on the cover that “Off-road racing is still the best thing ever!” Eh? Eh? Who needs roads anyway!
It's not really love trouble. Just something that has been going on for a while. It's over now but yesterday was a blah day so I just wanted to write what was on my mind. Nothing going on now.
Off roading actually sounds like a blast right now!!!! haha.. We should go!
This is a amazing blog Ash. I'm so proud of you, for the person that you are and for who I know you will become. I love you.
Hey I've got a gnarly old truck, when I get back we'll be total rednecks and drive out to the middle of nowhere and sit in the back and shoot stuff. I'm all about shooting stuff lately for some reason.
And as good as my Easter lunch was, I've just been craving a good doener kabab. You remember those, right?
What a beautiful post Ashley. I still remember that evening that I spent with you and Logan when I was trying to get to know you better. Do you remember? I don't remember everything that was said but I do remember thinking how impressed I was with you and what an incredible person you were. You have a heart of gold. You love easily, which at times has probably lead to heart ache, but it is also a spiritual gift that you have been blessed with and a great strength.
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