Can someone please explain to me why things that have hurt you the most in your past affect the good things in the future? I thought everything happens for a reason. I have tried my absolute hardest to find the good in everything that has happened to me no matter how devastating they are. As some of you know there have been a couple of things that have happened to me that has torn me up inside and I wonder sometimes if and when I will get over it. I always said I would never have regrets because even though they are hurtful I wouldn't be where I am today. But when they are the reasons I hold back from good things, I start to wonder if I should be grateful or regretful. I'm tired of my fears getting in the way of my excitement. I'm tired of feeling paranoid about everything. I'm tired of having regrets because of my emotions. I let the good things go in fear that they will leave me first and it's miserable. I have to leave my past in the past. The people who have hurt me in the past are people that until now, have had control over me. I can't let them have that control anymore. I will not give that to them. Sometimes it takes a slap in the face to realize you're not the only one who is hurting and I've had to be the one to realize it. I want to keep good things in my life without pushing them away in fear they will leave on their own. This blog isn't to let the world know when I'm having a hard time. If you know me, you know that I blog and journal ALL the time. So no matter how much I'm hurting right now, I want to list things that I am grateful for. (Not particularly in this order)
1) I'm grateful for my home. I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep on at night.
2) I'm grateful for my cousin Michelle who always knows when I need someone to talk to and will drag me out of bed when I'm feeling down.
3) I'm grateful for my roomate who will listen to me ramble on in tears whenever I come home and have had a bad day.
4) I'm grateful for new friends I have met here and for the people I have been able to get to know and develop great friendships with.
5) I'm grateful for genuine people who have offered their homes for Thanksgiving and Christmas knowing I will not be with my family for either holiday.
6) I'm grateful for awesome movies and food that have helped kept my mind off of heartache.
7) I'm grateful for the scriptures and prayer that I have at my fingertips for daily strength and personal guidance.
8) I'm grateful for my family and for the emails, calls and texts I get from them just to see how my day is.
9) I'm grateful for the job I have so that I can pay my bills and support myself.
10) I'm grateful for temples and how I live so close to them and the chance I have to go and feel the spirit.
11) I'm grateful for the knowledge I have to know what the purpose of life really is. I don't think I would have half of the peace I have without knowing why I'm here.
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4 comments:
Those are great things to be grateful for!! I don't think that you should ever look back with regret. There are always going to be situations that we wish would've gone differently...but there is no use worrying over what's already been done. I don't know what the situation is but I do know that I have definitely made my share of mistakes in the past (and still continue to daily) but if we do all we can do to fix it and then turn it over to the Lord and trust in the Atonement, then there is no reason to fear or be upset. Just keep moving forward with faith and the love of life that I know you have. You are such a wonderful girl Ashlie. I will never forget sitting in the Mann's living room and asking you questions to get to know you better. One of the questions I asked you was who is your favorite BofM hero. You said Nephi b/c he was so faithful and obedient to the Lord. That spoke volumes to me about the kind of girl that you are. Keep smiling, loving, and trusting in the Lord...and don't forget what Pres. Monson said, "Enjoy the journey now." Love ya. Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog.
I dont know exactly what it is that is bothering you but im sorry is causing you so much hurt and confusion. Its so hard to understand why things happen the way they do and how to go about dealing with it but if its done, then its done and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it . If it hurts you and brings you down then why hold onto it and let it get in the way of you life ? let it go, release it and move on. take a deep breath and start new . i know that is so much easier said then done but really, why hold on to something that hurts to remember? I dont know if any of that makes sense to you or not but im here to talk if you need it ash
Ashlie. I can relate to every single line of this blog. It is hard to look past the pain, even when you have something really great in front of you. Just remember that you will meet someone who will help you push past the pain and walk with you into the future.
I love you and I am so thankful that you are here and that you are my roommate.
Hey Ashlie! How's it going? I hope you are settled there in Utah. I'm sad now because Catherine's last day was yesterday. Everyone is quitting on me! Take care.
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